Right Now
by daxy
Summary: Someone’s thoughts as he sees the grieving lover at the funeral. ---Not a happy fic.! Song fic. SLASH---


**Summary: Someone's thoughts as he sees the grieving lover at the funeral. Not a happy fic.! Song fic. SLASH**

**AN: this is a Horatio/Rick friendship, and Horatio/Speed slash.**

**Song: Dry your eyes By The Streets**

_/In one single moment your whole life can turn 'round I stand there for a minute starin' straight into the ground Lookin' to the left slightly, then lookin' back down World feels like it's caved in - proper sorry frown Please let me show you where we could only just be, for us I can change and I can grow or we could adjust The wicked thing about us is we always have trust We can even have an open relationship, if you must I look at her she stares almost straight back at me But her eyes glaze over like she's lookin' straight through me Then her eyes must have closed for what seems an eternity When they open up she's lookin' down at her feet /_

People were beginning to leave the cemetery now. The funeral was over so there was no need for them to stick around anymore. Only the team mates of the one who died stay behind. I'm behind a tree, hiding. It would be bad for me to speak to anyone in the team. They don't exactly like me.

But there is just one person that I really want to talk to right now. The man that has lost his lover. Horatio Caine.

I know that no one but me knows about their relationship, so therefore I'm the only one who understands his pain. The others have no idea.

I found out about Speed's and Caine's relationship when I took them by surprise. The locker room had been a safe place for them to kiss I guess, until I walked in.

Discovering that the almighty Lt. Caine was gay and dating his co worker would have been such victory to me! I could have walked straight to the chief back then and told him and I would have been able to bring the team down once and for all. So why didn't I?

I felt happy for them; I actually felt that this was a thing that I should just leave alone. They both deserved to be happy so why should a sneaky IAB Sergeant destroy it?

Though, right now, no one is happy.

_/Dry your eyes mate I know it's hard to take but her mind has been made up There's plenty more fish in the sea Dry your eyes mate I know you want to make her see how much this pain hurts But you've got to walk away now It's over /_

Ah, Alexx Woods. Trying to ask Horatio how he's feeling right now. I'm guessing he is giving her his usual reply. The team looks concerned for their boss. But they think that he's so quiet and shy right now because he was there when co-worker died. Not because he just lost the love of his life and he has to go home and be alone for the first time in almost two years. Of course it must have been hard to see Speed die too, but I think that what is most sad for Horatio right now is to actually sleep alone, wake up alone and have to go home and see all of Speed's stuff. Horatio and I used to be friends. When he first came to Miami there was no grudge between us. We liked each other, and then it was that stupid Lt. Promotion that both he and I wanted. He got it. I don't know how he did it, but he got it. For me that will always be something that I will never like about Horatio. But all that anger is gone now, no matter how much I want to bring that read head down, I can't.

Delko gives me a death glare, warning me to even try to approach them right now. Sometimes they don't even give me a chance to be nice. I wonder why?

Do they see it as a betrayal to Horatio if they actually do not hate me? Or is it just because I'm with IAB?

I have some IAB co workers that so far ain't hated around MDPD. So maybe it's just me that nobody likes. I glare back at Delko. I wish Horatio would tell them about him and Speed; it would make it easier for his friends to help him get through this. But the stubborn idiot just won't do it. He'd rather deal with everything himself, let it eat him up from inside rather than admit that he needs help. Admit that for once he can't do something. Horatio has this hero complex and he doesn't want anybody to know that even he is weak sometimes. Everybody has a weakness; I think a dozen of people noticed Caine's weakness today. Speed. Timothy Speedle, Horatio's weakness. I believe that the people you love is your weakness and strength. We get stronger when we have them around ourselves and they make us happier and more alive. But they can also be used against you.

_/So then I move my hand up from down by my side It's shakin', my life is crashin' before my eyes Turn the palm of my hand up to face the skies Touch the bottom of her chin and let out a sigh 'Cause I can't imagine my life without you and me There's things I can't imagine doin', things I can't imagine seein' It weren't supposed to be easy, surely Please, please, I beg you please She brings her hands up towards where my hands rested She wraps her fingers round mine with the softness she's blessed with She peels away my fingers, looks at me and then gestures By pushin' my hand away to my chest, from hers Dry your eyes mate I know it's hard to take but her mind has been made up There's plenty more fish in the sea Dry your eyes mate I know you want to make her see how much this pain hurts But you've got to walk away now It's over/_

Finally Delko, Duquesne and everybody else leave. Only one person is still standing at the grave that is now beginning to be covered with dirt. He hasn't moved for fifteen minutes now. I slowly approach. He knows it.

I sometimes wonder if Horatio has sixth sense, he always knows who's around him without even looking at the person. Without even hearing a voice.

Horatio is not wearing his glasses, I'm bit surprised to see that. I thought he would wear them to hide his eyes, so that no one would be able to see the pain and sorrow in them.

As I stand beside him he sighs and drops the rose he has been holding during the whole ceremony in to the grave. He doesn't look at me, I don't look at him. We're both just looking at the casket that is slowly vanishing under all the dirt. I wonder if Speedle is in heaven, looking down on us. He's probably hurting just as much as Horatio, if not more. I know that as I stand here, it is my only chance to be a friend again. To go back to the way things were several years ago, when Horatio and I actually used to go out and eat lunch. Tomorrow things won't be friendly. I will hate Horatio and he will hate me again.

I'm going to have to talk to him about going to see a psychologist and he's going to tell me that he doesn't need one. I am also going to have to tell him that he needs to find a new trace expert, and he's going to say that it's too soon. Wich is probably true. It is too soon for the whole team.

But the chief wants a new expert as soon as possible and I'm going to have to make sure that Horatio actually tries to find one. I feel bad because of it. It's only been about a week since his lover died and he already has to replace him.

_/And I'm just standin' there, I can't say a word 'Cause everythin's just gone I've got nothin' Absolutely nothin' Tryin' to pull her close out of bare desperation Put my arms around her tryin' to change what she's sayin' Pull my head level with hers so she might engage in Look into her eyes to make her listen again I'm not gonna fuckin', just fuckin' leave it all now 'Cause you said it'd be forever and that was your vow And you're gonna let our things simply crash and fall down You're well out of order now, this is well out of town She pulls away, my arms are tightly clamped round her waist Gently pushes me back and she looks at me straight Turns around so she's now got her back to my face Takes one step forward, looks back, and then walks away Dry your eyes mate I know it's hard to take but her mind has been made up There's plenty more fish in the sea Dry your eyes mate I know you want to make her see how much this pain hurts But you've got to walk away now It's over/ _

Horatio's shoulders are slumped and he looks ten years older. He hasn't slept for days, I can see it.

In all honesty I want to hug him, but I'm not sure he would let me. I'm not sure I have the courage to do it. He sighs again and this time he looks at me.

"Why are you still here?" He asks so low that I almost miss it.

"Because right now I'm your friend. Tomorrow we are enemies again. But now we are friends and right now I'm here to give you my condolences." I answer him, never breaking the eye contact.

He nods; he always knows when someone is lying.

To my surprise he gives me a hug. He pats me on my back and I do the same. At this moment we are friends and there is nothing strange about two friends giving each other a hug at bad times.

"Thank you Rick." He says," This means a lot to me." He leaves me.

I watch him walk to his car. When he has driven out of sight I turn back to the grave.

"Rest in peace Speedle, even though it might be hard for you without Horatio." I say and walk away.

The sun is going down and tomorrow I have to go to work and destroy everyone's day. Because that's what IAB Sergeant Stetler does. He makes everybody's day miserable and he sneaks around all the time.

Tomorrow is a new day and I only have a few hours left to be nice and friendly.

_/know in the past I've found it hard to say Tellin' you things, but not tellin' straight But the more I pull on your hand and say The more you pull away __Dry your eyes mate I know it's hard to take but her mind has been made up There's plenty more fish in the sea Dry your eyes mate I know you want to make her see how much this pain hurts But you've got to walk away now./_

**THE END**

**AN: Please review!**


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